It’s becoming more and more apparent that the Internet may be changing the way we read. People are starting to just scan text for key words and very easily digestible information instead of taking the time to let content sink in. As a writer with a love of short form written horror, this is my worst nightmare. Horror needs build up! Tension! Actual consumption of atmospheric words and not just scanning for ‘blood’ or ‘incomprehensible!’ How can I compete with that? Well, I took a look around the Internet and figured I’d give it a shot. Fuck it.
25 Things Kids Today Not Fleeing From a Deadly Virus Will Never Experience!
WARNING: This will make you feel old!!!
1. Actually WAITING for your favorite show to come…Ugh!
2. Standing in line at a government required quarantine, seeing people get dragged out of line!
3. Watching line after line of a JPEG downloading over dial-up!
4. Watching the nervous troops eyeing everyone while cradling their rifles!
5. The confusing process of making your own Geocities Website. You just wanted to post pictures of dinosaurs!
6. The confusion about what is really happening, since the government just announced a forced evacuation of the city and martial law!
7. Having your mom feed your Tamagotchi while you were at school!
8. Listening to something coming down the road, and hearing the scream of the unseen people further back in line!
9. Having your dad pick up the phone whenever he wanted you off the Internet, unless you were a rich kid with 2 phone lines!
10. Turning around to see bodies tossed through the air like rag dolls and hearing the hideous roar that came from something you might have put on your Geocities page!
11. Be kind, rewind!
12. The crowd dropping all pretenses of civility as they try and claw their way past the government check point. The military opens fire into the crowd and whatever is behind it!
13. Having to actually answer the phone to see who it is!
14. Being knocked to the ground and briefly catching the glimpse of a large, festering arm throwing a police car at a Humvee, tearing the .50 cal machine gun off the roof, and the unfortunate gunner in half!
15. Whatever comedic appeal Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler had before they tried to become dramatic actors!
16. Seeing the M1A1 main battle tank fire its cannon, and the resulting pressure wave that kills the unfortunate people close to the barrel instantly!
17. The large, fleshy abomination comprised of dozens of people melded together, their faces frozen in a scream, flowing to the surface and disappearing as the creature roils forward!
18. Having to search a cassette tape for your favorite song!
19. Watching horrified as one of the people in front of you stops dead in their tracks, twitches, and dissolves into smaller version of the creature!
20. Actually playing outside until the streetlights came up! (Apparently kids don’t play anymore, or their parents don’t want them murdered. Every list has something like this. That’s bad I guess.)
21. The smaller mass grabbing people and pulling them inside its crude mouth, turning its attention to you!
22. Finding the perfect Pog Slammer!
23. Hearing the approaching A-10 Close Air Support jet, and seeing two cannisters detach from underneath it’s wings!
24. Seeing the wall of flame rush towards you, sucking the air from your lungs as the nearly instantaneous explosion of napalm begins burning down the highway. Pain shooting through your leg as you look back and realize that the smaller creature has latched on to your foot. There’s no escaping it now, you are connected to it. You are no longer your own person and it’s just a matter of time before your mind ceases to be as your body lumbers onward, part of this new wretched mass. You embrace the approaching flame as a mercy, hoping that whatever has happened is stopped here, by this.(!)
25. Microsoft Office’s Clippy: Your first Frenemy!
(All GIF’s from BuzzFeed’s GIF Feed. http://www.buzzfeed.com/giffeed)
Check back next week for The Worst 15 DIY Costume Projects That Resulted From Glancing at the Corrupt Imagery In the Cursed Necronomicon!