All posts by Chris Burcham

Adventures in the waking mind

My brain just woke me up 10 minutes ago because of a revelation. Now, normally this is great because it can be inspiration for a story or remembering something I forgot that had been bothering me for the last few days.

This morning my brain goes “Dude, wake up.”

“Ugh, what? Its 5:45 am. We don’t even have plans until noon.”

“This is super important. Earth shattering even.”

“I’m listening…” I say, maybe it IS a new story thread or something to help with writer’s block on one of my long form projects. Shit, I probably had a Good Will Hunting moment and broken the code of the Voynich Manuscript or something.

“Peanuts,” my mind whispers. I imagine my brain as an 80’s businessman, coked out eyes wide open as he comes up with a last-ditch effort to save his crumbling business. He’s standing in front of a white board yelling at me.

“…What?”

“You know why they’re called that? It’s because when you crack them open… they have the nuts inside, like a pea pod has pea’s in it. It’s a Pea-Nut man.”

This realization hits me harder than if I had found conclusive evidence for life after death. Peanut butter is one of my very favorite things. I’ve been saying the word for years, and never thought about why they were called that. It’s like hearing a new-born baby laugh for the first time. My life has been changed forever.

“Wait, aren’t they legumes or whatever?” I still cannot tell you what the hell a legume is.

“Yeah, language is dumb,” replies my brain.

The human brain is an amazing thing, faster than the world’s most powerful supercomputer by about 100 times over. It has given us art,the ability to fly, and cured diseases. And mine chose that gift to wake me up at 5:45 in the fucking morning for a (still mind-blowing) thought that could have waited until like, 9am at the earliest.

My brain is an asshole.

The Coal Chute, The Map Part 2

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After speaking with McGivern and hearing about Denali, I began searching out other strange stories. What started as a hobby began developing into an obsession. The internet became my greatest ally and greatest curse, because searching for anything remotely related to mystery creatures or weird happenings brings up a fair amount of obviously fake stories and hoaxes.

Continue reading The Coal Chute, The Map Part 2

Piper Cub, The Map Part 1

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For as long as I can remember I have been interested in the lost and forgotten.  Some of my first memories are of my grandparent’s ranch in the hills of California, where I would use my father’s beat up metal detector to search for old coins and abandoned gold mines.

I never found anything on the property really worth sharing, but it sparked my passion for exploration.

Continue reading Piper Cub, The Map Part 1

Strange Happenings with Bailey: Addendum

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I just spoke with my dad and oddly enough he went to a local archaeology lecture near where I live yesterday. One of the topics that came up was Native American burial grounds. My subdivision is next to a golf course and some woods. The presenter (who actually checks sites during new construction to make sure nothing buried is disturbed) stated that effectively an eighth of a mile from my house is one of the largest, well preserved grave sites of Native American’s in the south suburbs of Chicago. I know this sounds like a total cliche, but apparently one of the main finds was a grave with 3 people in it. At the bottom was the remains of a child of indeterminate gender, then above a woman of middle age, and above that was an elderly woman. The elderly woman’s body had been covered by deer antlers before being buried. That’s just enough for me to put a topper on that cake of weirdness.

Strange Happenings with Bailey

I moved into my new house a little over a year ago. My wife Karen and I found a wonderful subdivision with nice lots, and a few empty fields scattered about. Now I’ve always been a dog person, so it was important to me to find a lot with as much space as possible. It turns out that the field behind our house was actually a gas exemption. Major pipelines ran under that property, so no building could take place. It does awesome things for the views, but if it ever went up Live Free Die Hard style we’d have quite the fireworks show and probably no more house.

Continue reading Strange Happenings with Bailey

Hypothermia

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A lot of people in the United States love snow.  They have romanticized notions of cozy Christmas mornings and sledding with their families, but ever since I was a teen I’ve hated the winter.  Not sure about your feelings on the matter.  I think snow is fine when you just look out the window of your heated house.  If you end up going anywhere though, you have to push to the back of your mind that you are essentially walking into an environment that will end up killing you without a second thought.

Continue reading Hypothermia

Start of something special

Hey Everyone!

I’ve finally gone ahead and done it. I’ve registered a website and I’m publishing my stories and thoughts for everyone to view. It’s kind of weird really thinking about it, but I’m proud of this and want to share it with as many people as possible. Even those people who’ll hate everything! You’ll see some redesigns coming up as I tweak and edit. Feel free to leave me feedback through comments or by reaching me at wordsfortheinternet at gmail.com.

Thank you to everyone who didn’t believe in me.
This whole operation is purely out of spite.

-Chris